Wednesday, May 27, 2009

The Hundred Day Countdown


I wouldn’t consider myself the most technology savvy person to walk the face of the earth, but I do know enough about computers to get by.  For example, I know how to check my email, use Paint, and apparently, know enough to be able to add a rather stylish countdown timer to my Google Desktop.  This very countdown is the driving force behind this post – as it is set right now, it’s showing that tomorrow marks 100 days until BYU football.  Hallelujah.

Taking a step back, however, let’s glance at football in general.  Has there been a greater thing ever invented since this?  And speaking of that, why do we always use bread as a comparison?  Don’t get me wrong, I love sandwiches as my college student diet consisted of about 50-75 per week, but really…In any case, the sport of football reigns king over all others, most specifically baseball, which I would like to briefly address.

Top 5 Reasons Football Thoroughly Dominates Baseball

1)      Length of season.  162 games + postseason.  Do they really need THAT many games to determine who’s good?  I love football, but I can’t imagine watching my team play at least 162 times in one year.  It’s too much of a good thing, the only difference being, in baseball, it’s too much of a terrible thing.

2)      Rivalry.  Speaking of too many games, when you play your rival 20 times in one season, it kinda loses its luster.  Argue all you want, Red Sox/Yankees fans, but my guess is you’d be a little more nervous if 365 days worth of bragging rights hinged on 60 minutes of game time. 

3)      Uniforms of managers.  This is my personal favorite.  Who decided that old, overweight men acting as managers should be clad in the same tight pants that their younger, more athletic counterparts are wearing?  Imagine, Stan Van Gundy sitting on Orlando’s bench wearing shorts and a jersey, or better yet, imagine Charlie Weis suiting up in pads and a helmet (for the first time since high school) as he waddles around Notre Dame’s sideline.

4)      The Sunflower Seed Effect.  If you can continually ram copious amounts of sunflower seeds into your mouth and skillfully crack the shell to remove the seed, all while playing your sport, chances are something is terribly wrong.  It’s like people who are doing homework problems while sitting back on reclining stationary bikes at the gym – that’s great, but you’re probably not burning too many calories.  To prove my point, next time you’re playing football, try and be effective with a cheek-full of seeds (and do it without requiring use of the Heimlich maneuver).

5)      Because it’s football.  Why is baseball severely inferior to football?  That’s just it – because it’s football.  Hitting, touchdowning, tailgating, fall weathering, fight song singing, Ute hating, etc.  That’s what makes America great.  Unfortunately for the next 100 days, I’ll be slammed with nothing but baseball highlights (holy crap, it’s ANOTHER 6-4-3 double play…) delivered by Jon Kruk looking as unqualified as ever.  Only 100 days…only 100 days…

5 comments:

  1. Admittedly I don't know too much about sports, but I have a healthy respect for what you're saying. I've raised the "why the heck do they need so many games" question to nate before, and he didn't really have an answer for me. But the funniest part of this post is that you really do eat 50-75 sandwiches/wk. We're already saving up for your visit. Can't w8!

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  2. You're hilarious Todd. The best part of this post is that it made me realize that at least there is one redeeming quality about the fact that Jon and I have to go back to school this fall--BYU football. The worst part of it was the vivid visual I just got of Stan Van Gundy...

    Good work. We'll be putting you on our blog and checking back for more.

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  3. Very funny post, good sir. But, entirely off base. I have responded on my blog, if you care to learn the truth...

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  4. I just realized I have multiple blogs. I responded on the "Your One-Stop Shop" blog

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