Top 5 Travel Moments

I don’t think it’s a massive secret that if you hang out in an airport for even a short amount of time, you’re going to run into some interesting people. On my latest trip to visit my friends Nate and Briana in Washington DC (picture included for proof), one layover consisted of listening to a man from Alaska talk about moose hunting and getting attacked by two grizz (apparently that means grizzly bears) which he successfully killed, with 14 bullets and 21 bullets respectively. The way his story was going, I was expecting him to mention a third grizz which he had to kill with a 3-inch Swiss Army knife and a fish hook after running out of bullets, but (un)fortunately it was my time to board.

In light of this trip, I’ve compiled a “Top 5 Travel Moments”, with a special embedded Top 5 within a Top 5, as you’ll see later. Without further ado, the list:

1) Terrified Lady. The flight out to DC was fairly rough (turbulent, if you will) since it was pretty stormy for a good portion of the trip. Luckily the little seat belt light was all aglow to prevent us from being thrown hither and thither around the plane. The security of the seat belt was not enough for the lady directly in front of me, however; every time there was any inkling of a bump, she was bracing herself for impact by ramming her hand into the window and gripping the armrest. Lady, hate to tell you, but if this guy’s going down, we’re all goners.

2) Russian kid march. The flight from Atlanta to SLC was packed with Russians, and the Russian kids were hating this flight, screaming and crying for basically the whole 3 ½ hours. The solution? March the kids up and down the isle for the entire flight. Stand up, sit down, go visit Mom in the back, go sit on Dad’s lap in the front, run up and down the isle to randomly scream at whomever. You have to love Russians for that.

3) Two Words: Sky Mall. I read the Late Spring 2009 issue cover to cover at least twice, and here is my “Top 5 Most Ridiculous Things That I Almost Guarantee No One Would Buy Except Obviously Someone Does Because They Keep It In Print For Every Sky Mall Issue”:

1 – Bigfoot Garden Yeti Sculpture. Sadly there are 7 pages of customer reviews associated with that product.

2 – Head Spa Massager. Are you alleviating stress…or getting assimilated by the Borg?

3 – NeckPro Traction Device. As my friend JD aptly pointed out, this is a lawsuit waiting to happen.

4 – Stealth Secret Sound Amplifier. Now you can be that annoying guy til the day you die.

5 – SkyRest pillow. Excuse me while I inflate this hot air balloon.

4) The Infuriated Man. The flight from Washington to Atlanta was on a small plane, so they took our carry-on luggage to put in the bottom plane, which meant we waited for about 5 minutes at the gate when we landed for them to bring our bags back to us. As the group gathered around waiting for the luggage, one guy got off the plane and asked us what we were waiting for. We told him, to which he angrily responded, “That’s ----ing terrible. Holy ----. I can’t believe they ----ing made you do that.” Ok pal, settle down. It’s not that bad, and no one asked you to stand around and wait too.

5) Lost Pilot. The flight to Atlanta, or at least I assumed Atlanta since that’s what my ticket said. “This is your pilot. We’re on the approach now to Alabama from the northeast…err…southwest…south-southwest. Uh, to Atlanta, excuse me. And it will be from the east. Actually, we’ll be approaching from the southeast.” Ok, you know what? I don’t really care what direction we approach from. Just don’t land this plane in Alabama.